ahhhh!!! I am in a funk and I don't know what to do about it...
So I am having a much harder time adjusting than I thought I would. Christmas break was good. The beginning I was having a grand old time being back, but towards the end, things started to take a dive. I didn't really want to be there, and I was not really wanting to go back to school either. The first few days of being back at school was ok, mainly sat around and unpacked. Then classes started....After the first two days, I kept thinking to myself, what in the world had I gotten myself into... will I survive the semester? I had so much homwork already and I had only had each class once. I had no idea what was going on in either one of my chem classes and that really worried me. And the week continued. Had a pretty boring weeked, which I have come to the reality that most of my weekends will be like this, working and homework (though we did have fun making cookies and eating them Friday night).
Sunday evening though, was the worst... did homework most of the day, then went to SJU for mass. During mass is when it all came crashing down. I just couldn't focus .... I started freaking out about not wanting to be here (even though I love my school and mass at SJU and singing in the choir) my classes, the feeling of being out of control, then to top it all off, in his homily father mentioned "what do you want to do after graduation" - he said that our path has been pretty clear since we were born, go to elementary, middle and high school then to college, but now comes the big decision of where next - though he was talking to the seniors. Not a good thing. Since middle school (or prob before) I have known what I wanted to do, be a Pediatrician and in the Air Force. Well that kind of got shaken up a bit with the Air Force thing, but freshman year, I was still determined to be a pediatrician. Then I was introduced to the idea of a PA (physicians assistant) and fell in love... now there were 2 possibilities in my future. Making life more complicated. THe more and more I though about it, the harder and harder the decision became... and then I went abroad... and now I am more confused than ever...
Yea, so, that night after I got back I was feeling REALLY crummy and I vented for a while to 2 of my roomates - we were having a ranting party - and went to bed. Then I had nightmares, needless to say, did not get much sleep. Had class all day, meet with the study abroad group and had dinner, then spent like 4 hours studying for this stupid quantum quiz( I have pretty much NO idea what in the world is going on in that class, which is not a good thing).
Today, I was exhausted, had to work, then homework and then I got this email that hit me like a ton of bricks (shocker -and kind of broke my heart - to say the least)... I am not even sure how to process it... I feel like the world is just against me right now, and it is not a good time for this to happen. And now I am on a school rant and boy rant, a bit homesick and bit Austria sick... not a good thing.
budapest
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I made it... barely
Longest week ever... If this week was a glimpse into what is the rest of the semester, I just want to quit now... Sunday was the best part of the week. I finally got all three of my roomates, went grocery shopping and we hung out, made dinner together then I went to St John's for the first time in 8 months... So exciting, Julie and I were practically jumping up and down with excitement as we boarded the link to St Johns. Then we went to mass, which was also great to be back to.
Classes started on Monday. So bright and early 7am, I got up and ready for the day, not very happy about being up that early. Then it was off to quantum mechanics... boy was that a wake up call. It is physics calculus and chemistry all wrapped up into one class... I haven't had calc (the stuff we are using) since senior year of high school and physics, well didn't learn much in that class thanks to the awful professor. SO... quantum is going to be an adventure, one that I wish wasn't so difficult.
Next it was off to Theology, that class should be interesting, but it will be alot of reading (which I don't have time for). After theo I was done for the day.. took a nap, which was glorious and started/resumed my homework, which took up a good chunk of the evening.
Tuesday was the second first day of classes (my even day classes). I had to get up at 630 that morn cause I had to catch the 730 bus to St Johns for micro... um, I dont remember alot of intro bio, and this could become a problem with this class and the one after - biochemistry...
The dreaded biochem... I have heard horrer stories about this class, and now I am in it... I have had the professor before, he has a very interesting teaching style to say the least. He is one of those people who is just too billiant to teach, he can't quite dumb it down enough for us to understand, so that will be quite a struggle as well as the material. I was so lost that first class. luckily we did a little of a refresher about DNA, RNA and proteins but then we jumped right in. After that I was free (usually would have lab - like on all even days, but not this cycle).
And the week continued on, alternating classes every other day and adding labs on even days. On wed, one of our friends that is leaving for South Africa for the semester came and visited and we all went to praise in the pub, which was fun (both seeing her and singing).
Finally the weekend arrived! Friday night we chilled and made cookies, then proceeded to eat alot of them and watched "Letters to Juliet", and pretty relaxing night, compared to the chaotic week that was classes and TONS of homework. Saturday morning was the best, although my body got me up at 830, I lounged around for a while watching TV on the internet before diving into my homework, then it was off to work.
Oh... and I didn;t mention this before but it was FREAKING COLD this week. Oh my goodness! one night the low was like -20 without the windchill (-40 with it) and there were 2 or three days that we didn't see above zero, it was no fun walking across St Johns to class those days, hopefully the coldest days are behind us.
Classes started on Monday. So bright and early 7am, I got up and ready for the day, not very happy about being up that early. Then it was off to quantum mechanics... boy was that a wake up call. It is physics calculus and chemistry all wrapped up into one class... I haven't had calc (the stuff we are using) since senior year of high school and physics, well didn't learn much in that class thanks to the awful professor. SO... quantum is going to be an adventure, one that I wish wasn't so difficult.
Next it was off to Theology, that class should be interesting, but it will be alot of reading (which I don't have time for). After theo I was done for the day.. took a nap, which was glorious and started/resumed my homework, which took up a good chunk of the evening.
Tuesday was the second first day of classes (my even day classes). I had to get up at 630 that morn cause I had to catch the 730 bus to St Johns for micro... um, I dont remember alot of intro bio, and this could become a problem with this class and the one after - biochemistry...
The dreaded biochem... I have heard horrer stories about this class, and now I am in it... I have had the professor before, he has a very interesting teaching style to say the least. He is one of those people who is just too billiant to teach, he can't quite dumb it down enough for us to understand, so that will be quite a struggle as well as the material. I was so lost that first class. luckily we did a little of a refresher about DNA, RNA and proteins but then we jumped right in. After that I was free (usually would have lab - like on all even days, but not this cycle).
And the week continued on, alternating classes every other day and adding labs on even days. On wed, one of our friends that is leaving for South Africa for the semester came and visited and we all went to praise in the pub, which was fun (both seeing her and singing).
Finally the weekend arrived! Friday night we chilled and made cookies, then proceeded to eat alot of them and watched "Letters to Juliet", and pretty relaxing night, compared to the chaotic week that was classes and TONS of homework. Saturday morning was the best, although my body got me up at 830, I lounged around for a while watching TV on the internet before diving into my homework, then it was off to work.
Oh... and I didn;t mention this before but it was FREAKING COLD this week. Oh my goodness! one night the low was like -20 without the windchill (-40 with it) and there were 2 or three days that we didn't see above zero, it was no fun walking across St Johns to class those days, hopefully the coldest days are behind us.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Uh oh, I think I am in trouble...
Since being back here I have unpacked all but my missing box (which I am beginnig to realize I need more and more as the days pass. The most important thing that I need is my scientific claculator, and my popcorn maker), sat in my apartment by myself, my roomates finally showed up on Sunday (one on Saturday which was fun), went to St John's (which is equally exciting, I LOVE St John's) went to Mass at St John's and started classes. Getting to see all the people that I haven't seen in 8 months is soo exciting. We swapped stories and excitement filled the air... then the reality of classes came upon us (for me bright and early Monday morning... this waking up at 630-7 is not condusive to my health).
My first class was quantum... I have alot of refreshing of physics and calc to do( haven't had calc (the stuff we are using) since high school, and I never really got the physics stuff). That class will be, interesting to say the least. It is at 8 a.m. in the computer lab, prob a bad choice on their part.
Next was theology, my relief in my schedule, or so I thought. It won't be as difficult as my science courses but it will have it's own challenges. The semester is focused on St Thomas Aquinus and his summa theologica (majority what he thought about the sacraments and God and Jesus). Then I was done for the day... P.S. I love odd days, only 2 classes and done by 11 :).
Today I had to get up earlier (630) because I had to take the bus to St John's for my 8 a.m. microbiology... That should be interesting. I haven't had bio since freshman year and the teacher, well she is a bit unorganized and scatterbrained. And it is located in the farthest building from the bus stop and it is freezing outside (like it was 0 degrees when I walked there this morn...).
After micro is when the real headache began.... the dreaded Biochemistry. This class is bound to occupy most of the free time I will be able to scrounge up this semester. Not looking forward to that. This class will be the death of me between the material and the professor (whom I have had before... really brilliant man, not good at teaching).
My first class was quantum... I have alot of refreshing of physics and calc to do( haven't had calc (the stuff we are using) since high school, and I never really got the physics stuff). That class will be, interesting to say the least. It is at 8 a.m. in the computer lab, prob a bad choice on their part.
Next was theology, my relief in my schedule, or so I thought. It won't be as difficult as my science courses but it will have it's own challenges. The semester is focused on St Thomas Aquinus and his summa theologica (majority what he thought about the sacraments and God and Jesus). Then I was done for the day... P.S. I love odd days, only 2 classes and done by 11 :).
Today I had to get up earlier (630) because I had to take the bus to St John's for my 8 a.m. microbiology... That should be interesting. I haven't had bio since freshman year and the teacher, well she is a bit unorganized and scatterbrained. And it is located in the farthest building from the bus stop and it is freezing outside (like it was 0 degrees when I walked there this morn...).
After micro is when the real headache began.... the dreaded Biochemistry. This class is bound to occupy most of the free time I will be able to scrounge up this semester. Not looking forward to that. This class will be the death of me between the material and the professor (whom I have had before... really brilliant man, not good at teaching).
Monday, January 10, 2011
ok, so I know its been a while...
hmm... the transition back into life in the US has been pretty good. There was the excitement at first of being home and seeing all of my favorite people, then there came work and Christmas. Christmas was good, alot of time at church that weekend, which is ok because I love church.
The week after Christmas though, that was when the "re-entry shock" hit me. We had all been warned about it, the cursed reverse culture shock. We had whole class periods on culture shock and reverse culture shock so it wouldnt come as a suprise. But it did. I kept thinking to myself that it wouldnt hit me, but when things slowed down... it snuck up.
I love being home, but I miss Salzburg. I miss our group of 16 of us (no matter how much we got on eachothers nerves by the end). Being able to walk downstairs and talk to someone who totally understands (well mostly, at least knows where you are coming from) and had similar experiences. Being able to hop on a bus and go explore the city, and all things foreign. Looking into the cute little Austrian shops and the Christmas markets. Hoping on a train and going to another foreign country. We just don't get that here in the states. I miss the slower paced life of Salzburg (not that my life here is fast paced, but those around me...), luckily I will get alot of that back when I got back to the middle of nowhere for school.
And people didn't react like I expected when I got back (well most people). Though we were all warned about it (people being so wrapped up in their own little world), I still never expected it to happen. (too bad I didn't write this post when it first hit me, you would have gotten an ear full then...)
The week after Christmas though, that was when the "re-entry shock" hit me. We had all been warned about it, the cursed reverse culture shock. We had whole class periods on culture shock and reverse culture shock so it wouldnt come as a suprise. But it did. I kept thinking to myself that it wouldnt hit me, but when things slowed down... it snuck up.
I love being home, but I miss Salzburg. I miss our group of 16 of us (no matter how much we got on eachothers nerves by the end). Being able to walk downstairs and talk to someone who totally understands (well mostly, at least knows where you are coming from) and had similar experiences. Being able to hop on a bus and go explore the city, and all things foreign. Looking into the cute little Austrian shops and the Christmas markets. Hoping on a train and going to another foreign country. We just don't get that here in the states. I miss the slower paced life of Salzburg (not that my life here is fast paced, but those around me...), luckily I will get alot of that back when I got back to the middle of nowhere for school.
And people didn't react like I expected when I got back (well most people). Though we were all warned about it (people being so wrapped up in their own little world), I still never expected it to happen. (too bad I didn't write this post when it first hit me, you would have gotten an ear full then...)
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