In a funk...

ahhhh!!! I am in a funk and I don't know what to do about it...


So I am having a much harder time adjusting than I thought I would. Christmas break was good. The beginning I was having a grand old time being back, but towards the end, things started to take a dive. I didn't really want to be there, and I was not really wanting to go back to school either. The first few days of being back at school was ok, mainly sat around and unpacked. Then classes started....After the first two days, I kept thinking to myself, what in the world had I gotten myself into... will I survive the semester? I had so much homwork already and I had only had each class once. I had no idea what was going on in either one of my chem classes and that really worried me. And the week continued. Had a pretty boring weeked, which I have come to the reality that most of my weekends will be like this, working and homework (though we did have fun making cookies and eating them Friday night).


Sunday evening though, was the worst... did homework most of the day, then went to SJU for mass. During mass is when it all came crashing down. I just couldn't focus .... I started freaking out about not wanting to be here (even though I love my school and mass at SJU and singing in the choir) my classes, the feeling of being out of control, then to top it all off, in his homily father mentioned "what do you want to do after graduation" - he said that our path has been pretty clear since we were born, go to elementary, middle and high school then to college, but now comes the big decision of where next - though he was talking to the seniors. Not a good thing. Since middle school (or prob before) I have known what I wanted to do, be a Pediatrician and in the Air Force. Well that kind of got shaken up a bit with the Air Force thing, but freshman year, I was still determined to be a pediatrician. Then I was introduced to the idea of a PA (physicians assistant) and fell in love... now there were 2 possibilities in my future. Making life more complicated. THe more and more I though about it, the harder and harder the decision became... and then I went abroad... and now I am more confused than ever...


Yea, so, that night after I got back I was feeling REALLY crummy and I vented for a while to 2 of my roomates - we were having a ranting party - and went to bed. Then I had nightmares, needless to say, did not get much sleep. Had class all day, meet with the study abroad group and had dinner, then spent like 4 hours studying for this stupid quantum quiz( I have pretty much NO idea what in the world is going on in that class, which is not a good thing).


Today, I was exhausted, had to work, then homework and then I got this email that hit me like a ton of bricks (shocker -and kind of broke my heart - to say the least)... I am not even sure how to process it... I feel like the world is just against me right now, and it is not a good time for this to happen. And now I am on a school rant and boy rant, a bit homesick and bit Austria sick... not a good thing.